The Friday Dispatch: May 5, 2023

Putting the "news" in "newsletter" since...today, I guess

May 05, 2023

Hello and happy Friday, my beloved dispatchers! This is what I would say to you every week if I were your boss at a 911 call center. It is also what I am saying to you now.

Yesterday was 5/4, better known to nerds as May the Fourth Be With You. It was also the 10-year anniversary of dumping my high school boyfriend via text, after which his mom called my mom to ask what happened. I have a tendency to do this — break up with people on days that aren’t holidays, but are definitely significant and memorable. Huge apologies to the person I broke up with on the 21st night of September.

Anyway, happy Revenge of the Fifth, everybody!

I Know A Guy (& the Guy Is A Store)

I was talking to someone — I think it was my friend Tara — about the virtue of Knowing A Guy. There is no better feeling than encountering a scenario (or even, God forbid, a situation) with a highly-specific need, and then saying “Oh wait, I know a guy.”

In the case of Tara (and yes it definitely was Tara!), she knows A Guy who does custom pet portraits. That’s why I now have a painting of my dearly-missed Julius alongside my alive-and-a-diva Dottie.

Well, now, I have a guy for you! That guy is The Best Bookstore in Palm Springs. They’re starting a “book concierge” service, which gives you a custom phone number to text whenever you want a book. You can ask directly for a specific title. You can say, “Hey, I really liked this series that’s finished now, what should I read next?” You can say “I want a scary mystery but NO vampires and NO secret wives in the attic and YES there is a magic amulet.” And the awesome booksellers at TBBIPS will help you! They charge your card on file and they ship it wherever you want.

My friend Chloe recommended I try this, so I signed up for the beta test membership as a reward for myself (see next section of newsletter for why I thought I deserved a reward). On Thursday, I texted them and said “hey I want these two books!” They arrived on Monday. It was SO easy and now I’m spoiled.

When I signed up, they were still doing a special beta-tester deal. I added a $100 credit to my account and they doubled it. So that’s $100 in free books. That is cool! No clue if that offer is still in place — it appeared to be at the time of writing — but I can’t recommend the book concierge enough. And now I have a contact that just says “Book Concierge” in my phone. Here, try it!

Today in Day Job

The Book Concierge signup was a gift to myself because…I got a new day job! You may know that I’ve been a full-time freelancer for the last couple years. Well, now I’m moving into a staff role and I’m very excited. I’m going to miss having lifestyle writing as my bread and butter, but hopefully, this new role lets me explore some weird new places (writing-wise and travel-wise!). I’ll share more info next week.

Unfortunately, that does mean you’ll see fewer videos of me in latex, or photos of me making this face:

Chef’s Specials

I mentioned Tara like three separate times above but here she comes again. Clearly I cannot get enough, and that’s why I’m glad Tara launched a newsletter earlier this week! Her Met Gala roundup included a joke about Florence Pugh that made me shoot tears of laughter out of my nose (?!). Sign up for her newsletter and make an ENT appointment, because she’s gonna make you laugh-cry-gasp-snort in new and frightening ways.
Preorder this anthology I’m in!
Paid subscribers, you may remember an essay called Buy My Silence, about the boringest job I ever had. Well, an updated version of that piece is going to be in an anthology from Autofocus called HOW TO WRITE A NOVEL: AN ANTHOLOGY OF 20 CRAFT ESSAYS ABOUT WRITING, NONE OF WHICH EVER MENTION WRITING. You can preorder it right now.

Listen to This Song Immediately

I have one media recommendation this week:

Birding, a perfect song by Swet Shop Boys.

Thing I Wish I DIDN’T Buy This Week

I shopped a lot over the weekend and every purchase was a 10/10. But this week I bought something that I wish I hadn’t purchased:

You all know how I feel about Dunkin’. They can do no wrong, even when they do SO wrong. But this month, the Dunkin’ Rewards app special is a $2 Refresher. My blood is essentially cane syrup, but WOW: this was far, far too sweet for me. I actually thought “This would only be bearable with tequila in it,” a thesis I haven’t had a chance to try. I drank about half of it before giving up.

Then again. I tried mango-pineapple. Maybe I’ll like cucumber-watermelon?

Alright, kiddies. I’m logging out. If you need me this weekend I’ll be trying to enact rapid wardrobe changes in time with mercurial New England weather. Wish me luck!