Hi! Short one today. I am 6/7ths of the way through my first full week in Missouri. I’ve had three boba teas. My Tamagotchi is nearly two weeks old, which means it is time to marry her off. I just ate a delicious sandwich. Let’s go!
An Ode to Back-Home Beauty
When I visit my family, I under- and over-pack. I rarely bring clothes (because my mom fills my room with cute things to wear, whether they’re new or her hand-me-downs). I bring lots of books (which I don’t always read) and lots of lipstick (which I always use). I bring my foundation and my eyeliner, but not eyeshadow or blush.
Over the last 10 years, I’ve amassed a weird hodge-podge of things I exclusively use at home. When I’m here, I wear the same “cat sack” (a terrycloth nightgown with a cat on it that says “MEOW ME…” underneath) and fuzzy rainbow socks and green boxers, and it’s a special routine. I always look forward to coming home and becoming a slightly different version of myself. Here are the assorted beauty products that help transform me into a Midwest Princess:
Morning Burst scrub, by Clean & Clear, makes me feel like I am in high school again, waking up and watching Jem or the Snorks before school
I have a travel-size bottle of Shea Moisture’s Curl Enhancing Smoothie, which has lasted me approximately 6 years, probably because I alternate its usage with…
My dad’s Garnier Shine + Hold Liquid Pomade. Before that, the Axe Shine Pomade. And sometimes good ol’ LA Looks gel. Hi daddy! I also used your hairbrush earlier! Sorry!!!
At a yard sale years ago, I got a loose face powder for $0.50. It’s a litttttle too dark for me, but it is Chanel, so I use it, buff it out well, and look healthy and glowy.
I also have two Physicians Formula face products: a color-correcting powder, which I use as an undereye product, and a palette that is a highlight/blush/bronzer trio from their Nude Wear collection.
I have a small collection of ancient Lancome eye quads, including a purple/green one that has next to no pigment, which I don’t throw away.
I’m not sure where, but I got a bottle of Philosophy’s Amazing Grace perfume. It doesn’t really smell like anything to me, but it makes me feel fancy.
I also have some full bottles of the Garnier Honey Treasures shampoo/conditioner, which my mom makes sure I have every time I come home. I take them back to New York when I leave, because I use them year-round. Thanks momma!
Uncannily accurate SNL music sketch:
Calendars I Did Not Buy My Mom This Year
Hey, speaking of my mom – I get her a calendar every year, for Christmas. Instead of my regular “things I did not buy this week” column, here is a list of calendars I did not buy my mom this year. Maybe a mom in your life will like them!
A Sega Dreamcast calendar, which I am still tempted to get my brother.
What the F**k Kitty? was too vulgar, even if it’s kind of funny and kind of cute.
A rock & roll biographies calendar, which is cute but I love my mom and don’t think she’d like to look at Fleetwood Mac for a whole month.
I kinda like this funky “art of Aimee Stewart” one.
The “My Favorite Color is ‘Merica” calendar is a little one-note for my taste, but the month of July is pretty cute. https://www.calendars.com/shop/my-favorite-color-is-merica-2024-wall-calendar/202400003918
Bad taxidermy. I love it.
I was underwhelmed by the scope of selection and formal diversity from this museum bums calendar. Plus, you only get to preview 10 butts!
Finally, this “Searching for Bigfoot” calendar has a fun Where’s Waldo? feel, but the art style was too muted for my/my mom’s personality.
Okay! Next Friday, I’ll send you another Dispatch, and then it is listicles galore til 2024. Hope you have a warm, dry, cozy weekend.