Howdy! It’s Friday! I have had a LONG day! But a good one! After I finish this newsletter, I’m going to take some Advil and lie down.
Why Did God Give Me Teeth?
Since Tuesday, I have been fighting and losing a violent battle against my left lower wisdom tooth. She is, it seems, a late bloomer. Compared to her sisters, who all debuted with the social grace and polite efficiency expected of their station, she is a boor. My fourth and final wisdom tooth is not “erupting.” She is emerging, like a swamp creature, from the bloodied gully of my jaw. And she is also, somehow, kicking through my gums like that gif of Big Bird kicking down a door.
Anyway. What I’m trying to say is: I have been up since 4:30 because that’s when my Night Ibuprofen began to wear off. I slept with a bottle of warm saltwater next to the bed, and a spit cup, so I could do the gross thing that has been my only source of significant relief. Swishing salty water is the only thing that helps every ailment. I woke up thirsty, and bleary, and salty, like I gave into aquatic peer pressure and partied with Daryl Hannah from Splash late into the night.
The tooth looks ALMOST done but if you have any tips, let me know, please. Maybe forward this newsletter to a teething baby and ask what they think.
Tomorrow In Day Job
Well! Today I went into the office for my last day at The Sun. I feel so lucky to have worked on a weird, wild, wonderful array of stories there. Special shout-out to the video team, who kept in Dottie’s meows but removed my cursing and wardrobe malfunctions. Read/watch me live like Gisele Bundchen, try a DIY ‘plastic surgery’ routine, eat from Dottie’s bowl for a week, go through my thrifted wardrobe, or try on Kardashian clothes. More greatest hits live on my website.
Starting Monday, I’ll be the editor of Ophthalmology Times Europe, heading up the digital and print editions. It’s a fully-remote position, but I may be looking for some travel tips and recommendations when I jet off to Europe for a few days later this year (!!!). I’m excited to get started and cannot wait to dig into this role. Big thanks to Tara, my fairy jobmother, who can and will solve all your problems if you’re willing to ask her.
Things I Did Not Buy This Week
My favorite salt spray is, of course, one that was much-beloved, then discontinued, then brought back, then discontinued again. John Frieda Beach Blonde is dead; long live John Frieda Beach Blonde. I’m finally out, after rationing the last drops for what feels like three years. This week, I came sooooo close to buying a salt spray from Not Your Mother's (classic but not strong enough), Pete and Pedro (as seen on Shark Tank!), Sun Bum (my brother made fun of this brand once and now I can't bring myself to buy it), OGX (all their hair products make me crunchy) or Captain Blankenship (remember when Catbird carried this?).
I scored a killer deal on a spray from Davines, with free returns/exchanges. I’ll report back and tell you if it’s any good.Keeping with my nautical theme, I lusted after but did not purchase this amazing signet ring that features a shell with a pearl in it. Pearl rings make me nervous – they’re such soft stones! – so I love that it’s “safe.”
I did not buy Magnolia Bakery cupcakes because my beloved lifestyle team surprised me with them before I left work today <3
I did not buy a tiny tabletop sewing machine, because I got my HandiStitch working again! Phew!!!
Every week I get mad because the yellow toothbrush I want from Philips Sonicare does not come as a rechargeable, and the rechargeable doesn’t come in yellow, AND I AM A SIMPLE WOMAN WITH SIMPLE NEEDS
I didn’t buy the Sydney Satchel from Fossil. Certain ones are marked down substantially, but the one I like (colorful stripes!) is still way too high.
ALMOST bought this awesome face-print dress from New York & Co:
Okay, dispatchers. That’s Friday. My wisdom tooth is telling me to log off, so I’d better listen. I have a hot date with some dual-action Advil (acetaminophen AND ibuprofen? In THIS economy?!) and the perfect gentleman who ran to the pharmacy to get it for me. Will I also enter the thrilling world of hot/cold compresses? It’s the weekend, so who knows! I might just get wild.
Thanks for reading. I’m going to go get soup.