The Friday Dispatch: October 27, 2023
We've got about an hour before I need to pick my Tamagotchi up from the babysitter
Hi! Happy Friday. By the time you read this, it will officially be the Halloweekend. I am celebrating by doing: nothing. While I am not as dead-set against Halloween as I once was, I am choosing to stay indoors and ignore the holiday this year, because I am so tired. I got back from Vegas on Tuesday night, and between writing, work, and writing workshops, I have kept my brain pretty busy. And now, I’m ready to turn it off!
That said: I love scary movies, year-round, and I am going to take advantage of the enhanced horror programming currently available on all screaming streaming services. As I write this, I have Psycho on in the background, but it’s not satisfying my bloodlust so I just said “Hey, I might switch this to something more murder-y.”
So that’s where MY brain is!
Wishing You a Hattie Happy Halloween
Last year, I did a pretty good job with my Halloween costumes. By day, I was Mona Lisa Vito, whose biological clock is ticking and whose carburetor is purring:
By night, I was Margot Tenenbaum, the world’s simplest costume if you have a blonde wig and it’s cold enough for a fur coat:
This year, I am going to put Dottie in a bathrobe and wig and let her do the hard work of being festive for me. If you’re looking for some movie suggestions to get you in the mood, I have a few suggestions:
Raw – Longtime readers/true Hattheads know I love cannibalism in media, and this movie gets bonus points because it helps me with my Duolingo! French, gory, with a great soundtrack. Weirdly sexy. Strangely touching.
Better Watch Out – This is a Christmas movie with murder in it! Cute pop culture references and quippy writing distracted me from the twist in this. I’m excited to re-watch it between now and the winter holidays.
Jackie – Yes, the Natalie Portman biopic about Jackie Kennedy. HEAR ME OUT. This movie has one of the most unsettling scores, and soundtracks, ever. What is more disturbing than a shellshocked Jackie Kennedy walking silently around the White House, smoking and drinking, in a stupor of pills and grief? All of that happening as the title song from the musical Camelot plays. There's a split-second moment where she tries to fasten her own jewelry and pinches herself, and cries out, and it makes me wanna throw up every time. Also, this movie pretty much opens with Natalie as Jackie in closeup, wiping blood off her face. Yeesh.
The Strangers – This movie isn’t groundbreaking or anything, but it sticks with me. I see it as an ideological/thematic predecessor to The Purge, what with the masks and the indiscriminate killing, though it’s a lot scarier. In the Purge cinematic universe, murders happen because all violent crime is temporarily legal. But in The Strangers, like in real life, random violence is just that. The characters even acknowledge this, and it makes my skin crawl.
Halloween – The original, watched after 9pm, in total darkness, gets me every single time. I think people misunderstand the central premise of the horror, here, which is: “What if there was a big evil guy and he was able to RUN REALLY FAST WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND?????”
While I was home, my dad, the ultimate pumpkin master, carved our jack-o-lanterns. Mine is the eyeball, which I drew on myself, but check out his outstanding work with that cat/moon design!
What Happened in Vegas
My brother and I saw, at last count, 20 different bands during When We Were Young fest in Las Vegas. But that’s not all we did! Exactly one day after screaming along to Simple Plan as the sun went down, we sat in the cabaret at the Flamingo, mere feet away from Wayne Newton. It was a hell of a trip – so much so that, when we were discussing our favorite parts of the vacation, we momentarily forgot that my brother got his first tattoo during it.
Here are two photos, taken about 24 hours apart. Shoutout to my baby brother for dressing up for Wayne with me, and taking my favorite photo of me. Shoutout to Amy for the bright yellow suit, which resulted in at least one “Miss Dick Tracy!” catcall.
I’m a Mom-agatchi
For my birthday, I got a Tamagotchi Uni, the new, smartwatch-style virtual pet with a full-color screen. I have a lot of Tamagotchis. I mean…I have a LOT of Tamagotchis. Right now, in New York, I have six, though all but the Uni are in need of new batteries right now. Somewhere in my childhood home, there are four or five more, just waiting for me to find them, boot them up, and start tending to them on my Tamagotchi farm.
Aging millennial alert: KIDS THESE DAYS DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH WORK TAMAGOTCHI PARENTHOOD USED TO BE. The Uni has, among other things, a built-in babysitter where you can send your Tamagotchi throughout the workday (admittedly very helpful for me, an adult woman with responsibilities). I am flabbergasted by this. What, so if I’m separated from my Tamagotchi for a couple hours, I won’t come back to find its ghost hovering over a pile of digital feces? What are the stakes, then! In the good old days, if you didn’t marry off your Tamagotchi in a timely fashion, it would become a shriveled spinster character who sat on your screen, wide awake late into the night, childless and bitter and beeping.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the Uni, even if it’s “easy mode.” Having a babysitter means that the time I spend with my digital offspring is quality Tama time. And did I mention…there’s an in-game Instagram? Because there is. It’s bizarre. My Tamagotchi took a picture of a random old-man Tamagotchi and captioned it “outdoor time!”
Things I Didn’t Buy This Week
A Wayne Newton shirt that just said WAYNE in sparkly letters. Really regretting this one, honestly!
The giant Cinnamoroll doll which Build-a-Bear introduced after reading my saga of posts about trying (and eventually succeeding!) for the much-sought-after normal-sized Cinnamorolls.
This…digital speaker…thermometer clock…desk…organizer…thing?
Assorted Tamagotchi lots from eBay
A resin dog sculpture table, which I found after watching the episode of Modern Family where Jay gets a giant hideous dog butler named Barkley. Damnit! I want this so bad!
A silk sleep mask with a rhinestone centipede on it
Mokuyobi Threads “wobble” jeans. I think I need to become a novelty-jeans-only gal. These would go with everything!
Anything from the booooooorrrriiinnng Sofia Coppola x Catbird endeavor. I know, I know, it’s Sofia wines, so I shouldn’t have expected anything too wild. But…where is the sumptuousness? The opulence? Why does this look identical to the Fun Wine Mom jewelry I’ve previously purchased from Kohl’s?
The outstanding, many-seasons-old Meghan Fabulous jumpsuit I saw on Instagram earlier, which reminded me I want this silly racecar bag
The Laura Geller x Wheel of Fortune eyeshadow palette – my beloved friend Sophia was kind enough to give this to me! The colors are shockingly practical for every day. Thank goodness I have plenty of Vanna-worthy gowns.
Finally, inspired by my friend Tara (
), I am sharing a seasonally-appropriate Spotify playlist, to get you in the spirit this weekend. In the interest of full disclosure, I want to warn you that it’s from 2015, but it’s been my go-to Halloween music for ages and I think most of the tracks hold up. Listen to it here.