The Friday Dispatch: April 18, 2025

WARNING: May contain Bart

Happy Friday, friends! Full disclosure that this is a fairly short dispatch, and next week’s will be even fairly short-er. The week after that, too, probably! I’m getting ready to embark on a lot of travel, which will keep me a little bit occupied until the second week of May. Then, in mid-June, I have more travel, which should conclude in late July. So, a heads-up that you will have scant Hattie Updates from June 13-July 18 or so! In the meantime, I’m writing up some other, off-the-beaten-path content I can schedule.

Honestly, I didn’t think I was stressed about my upcoming busy season. Then, yesterday morning, I woke up clutching my planner, curled around it like a shrimp. I’m fine! I’m fine.

Also, I tried to take a picture in a Barbie box, but look. It says Bart.

Myles asked, “Was this box abandoned in an alley behind a warehouse?” No! But close.

Rapid-fire updates

• When

  Myq Kaplan
  asked me to be a guest on his podcast, Broccoli and Ice Cream, did he think I was going to yammer about poetry for two hours? Unclear! But that’s what I did, and it was a hell of a lot of fun. We talk sonnets! We talk Reporter Quarterly (that’s right, the zine)! We talk about comedy and my weird wacky wild performance history! There’s a whole HOUR of free episode and then some BONUS paid content for Myq’s Patreon followers. You can listen to our conversation here! And, yes, this DOES count as part of your NaPoWriMo homework. Subsidiary thanks to my new follower Kieran, who called me a “perfect podcast guest!” I wrote this down in my Notebook Full of Compliments.

• The best Wikipedia is the List of Fandom Names. I think of it often. I’ve been thinking of it recently because I said something about “Hattheads and Myqniacs” re: that aforementioned podcast. There are some really clever fandom names, and some real stinkers! Here, a few of my favorites:

  • Fans of The Killers are called Victims

  • Fans of Barry Manilow are called Fanilows (Tori, this one's for you)

  • Fans of Batman are called Batmaniacs????? This feels made up

  • Fans of Ben Platt, if they existed, would be called Platties¹

  • Fans of Madonna are called Madonna wannabes. Scathing but apt!

  • Fans of Phish are called Phishheads, a thing that has ALWAYS made me mad. Why aren’t they called Phans!

  • Fans of The Phantom of the Opera are called Phans. OHHHHHH

  • Fans of Paramore are called Ankle Biters, which, again I say, THIS FEELS MADE UP but I am into it (so innnnntooo it)

• My brother and I have been playing Fortnite. Mostly in the “jam” mode, which is weirdly just Guitar Hero That Lives In Fortnite. I know I’m officially an adult because I can’t understand how video games got so complicated! But my brother, a sweet angel boy, bought me the Sabrina Carpenter skin in Fortnite so I didn’t have to be an ugly large man. The music game within Fortnite is my preferred modality of entertainment, but I do also enjoy the “traditional” mode, because I can run around with a rocket launcher. "Sabrina Carpenter With A Gun” has enormous “Give Carly Rae Jepsen a Sword” energy:

  

  What I Did Not Buy This Week

• This $394,000 watch that I got a LinkedIn ad for. What about my LinkedIn says “I have $394,000?” It is a cute watch though.

• Colorful Hello Kitty face goo

• Very well-reviewed moisturizer!

• A $5 cookie shaped like a bee (because I ate a spicy cherry Bomb Pop instead!)

Okay! See you a little bit next week, a little bit the following week. And then we’re back to normal! Sorry for kicking you out so fast, and thank you for reading.

1. Sorry, Ben Platt. I have nothing against you and I forgive your wig.