Hello and happy Friday! I write to you from the great north (my friends’ house where I’m catsitting). I’ll be back in the city tomorrow, but…will my bathroom? This week, my super is doing some plumbing work in my apartment. Well, he’s actually just supervising, which I guess makes sense – it’s in his title. Experts say there is something happening within the pipes that necessitates the removal of my shower AND toilet. So…I hope that’s done when I get home.
Something Clicked
For Christmas, I gave my mom a replacement banana. She and I both collect squishy things, but for different reasons. She has a handful of squishy, squeezy stress toys on her desk to fiddle with during meetings; I have a small army of squishy little guys (unicorns, starfish, kittens, Santa Claus, eggs) who I love to kiss on the head. My mother’s squishy banana wore out its welcome – or, rather, she wore out its faux peel. So I replaced it with a hyper-realistic banana that is also scented:
It says your troubles will VANISH!
During meetings and seminars, I’ve tried squeezing my squishes to improve my concentration. But this week, during Alexander Chee’s What is a Novel For? class, I reached for my friend Amy’s fidget cube. And now I get why people use fidget toys! It helped keep me from getting distracted, and I liked that when I “wore out” the clickable buttons, I could move on to a flickable switch or a spinny wheel. I have since picked up my own dollar-store fidget toy, which looks like a video game controller.
Writing Isn’t Hard, It’s Just Impossible
I’m writing a lot! I am still, somehow, not making any demonstrable progress on my novel. This is frustrating because I know what I want to do. I know how I intend to do it, and alternate avenues if the things I try don’t work. But while I’m writing, it feels like my brain is making a loud, annoying fax machine sound. It’s not bad writing, it’s just writing that feels like it’s not going anywhere. Am I in a tie loop?
I saw a truly soul-crushing tweet today about the writer Lauren Groff, who I love. She writes her drafts longhand, and doesn’t re-read them – just starts on the next draft with the first one in mind. I know that everyone’s process is different, but if I can’t open a Google Doc without my brain making a wet Jell-o cup fart sound, should I even be writing? Do I need to fundamentally rewire my brain and all my processes in order to write something that feels like a story? Or does this frustration simply indicate that I’m doing what I can and just need to keep going? Let’s go with that.
My goal is still to get this second dumb draft finished in the next 11 days, and I will hold myself accountable with newsletter updates!
Longlist for the ‘Stuff Hattie Consumed’ Prize
I watched a LOT of television this week because I was housesitting. My friends Amy and John have a full-fledged home theater, the world’s comfiest living room sofa, and a furnished basement with a treadmill. So basically, no matter what room I’m in, I can have background entertainment galore.
My go-to background entertainment has become The Girls Next Door, a show I did not watch when it originally aired, but feel obligated to watch now that I own two velour tracksuits (I am wearing the pink Juicy Couture one as I type). The Playboy Mansion would be a perfect place to live if there were no men. Yes, I know I am just describing The House Bunny. Bridget is my favorite but, like Holly in S3E2 (May the Horse Be With You), I would like to call up all the Playmates and ask them to go horseback riding with me.
My mom and I are separately-together watching the iCarly reboot. It is ADORABLE. The original iCarly aired in a peak timeframe for me, from the last years of pre-teendom to when I was about to leave for college. The grown-up adventures of Carly and Freddie feel accurate to their original characters. Spencer is still the older sibling I aspire to be. And even the gang’s new friends Harper and Millicent are well-written, welcome additions to the team, which is hard to do in a reboot. You probably need to be a pre-existing iCarly fan to enjoy it.
I watched Bringing Up Baby for the first time. This is the story of me (Susan), Dottie (Baby), and our quiet vendetta against the American Museum of Natural History. 10 out of 10, I want every crazy outfit Katie Heps1 wears in this.
There were many dumb jokes in Wrongfully Accused that made me ugly-cackle, but my favorite was the coroner van with 5T1 FF5 (STIFFS) as the license plate.
Confirmed: I can still quote most of the 1966 Batman movie from memory, including all the Riddler’s riddles. What I didn’t appreciate until watching it this week is how hard Burt Ward is acting. He is acting his little ass off. Every single gesture is so considered and sincere and (because he is so sincere against such a campy backdrop) riotously funny.
I started Babel! It is dense and I am just worming my way into the 560 pages. I’m trying to use it as a reward for writing instead of a distraction from it.
Things I Did Not Buy This Week
The sample kit of Eight Saints skincare products. But as of now, I do not. When I visited my friend Lynn earlier this week, she sent me home with a huge discovery kit of Eight Saints2 products. I've never tried this brand before, and that's too bad, because it's giving me some of the most glorious, bright, lively skin of my adult life. I'm a cynical brat about active ingredients. The Seeking C + Cloud Whip creams have both changed my mind about the impact of vitamin C products – normally they do nothing for me, but now I'm a believer. The Down to Earth swirled mud cleanser is awesome, too, as is the night cream, which smells a little bit pickley.
A vat of Vaseline. This is pretty much a monthly Didn’t Buy for me, and always for a different reason. January’s excuse: I found a $1 tube of “creamy petroleum jelly moisture cream,” which is just Vaseline that doesn’t require me to contaminate the tub, or accidentally get petroleum jelly underneath my nails (EW EW EW EW).
Hidden Cosmetics – this is a company that specializes in chromatic, vibrant, terrifying pigments. I say “terrifying” because the idea of getting these powders in my eyes gives me a full-body shiver. But I sure do love watching the videos.
This floral Misty Lane dress, sold by the very cool Donna’s Dress Shop in Kansas City. I’ve followed Donna’s on Instagram for a while, and they posted a preview earlier this week of vintage florals, including many Laura Ashley dresses. They very kindly notified me when the dresses were online; unfortunately, my favorite one is a size XS and won’t fit me. The only downside to following a vintage store: single-unit inventory! That’s okay, because I am watching similar ones in my size on eBay now.
A treadmill from Amazon, even though I got special offer – delivery was $157. Instead, I’m going to keep my eyes peeled on Facebook Marketplace. To get her steps in, my mom has a little fitness stepper, which she found for a bargain – just $5. After trying it at my parents’ house, I was tempted to buy my own, but I don’t think my coordination is good enough. Another friend in the city has one, and I almost immediately tripped and fell off of it. I live alone so this is not wise. BUT! There are $15 “manual treadmill walking pads” on Craigslist and FB…and now that I’ve had a week of treadmill access, I can confirm I fall off those MUCH less.
And that’s that, my friends. Go watch some Adam West Batman, enjoy the weekend, and don’t fall off your Craigslist treadmill.
Another Shameless Plug for the Paid Version
Listen. Okay. I know I keep trying to convince everyone to join the paid version of this newsletter. And I am not wrong to do so, because it’s pretty good so far! But l i s t e n…paid subscribers got a January playlist with Cher’s first single, from before she was Cher, which is a love song about Ringo Starr. And you could just Google that and find it for yourself. Or you could listen to that song, nestled in a playlist I made with my two loving hands. The choice is yours. In any case, I really do appreciate your reading!
Sorry I called Katherine Hepburn this
EIGHT saints? In THIS economy?!