Hi, happy Friday! I haven’t showed off my nails nearly enough this week – better get a pic in there before the foil wears off:
Among my Christmas gifts this year, I received a set of nail foils. That’s what it sounds like: foil, which you stick on your nails. My mom and I both have pretty long, natural nails, and I’ve been having a lot of fun experimenting with all the textures and colors that are (literally!) at my fingertips. This week, they’re themed. Go Chiefs.
Playing House
Okay, so. I did something totally out of character this week. I cleaned. Willingly. Just to have a clean house. Nobody1 was coming over, but I put things away where they go! What is wrong with me? Did I accidentally switch brains with a Virgo? I even bought one of the Mrs. Meyers multi-surface sprays in the honeysuckle scent. I always want this stuff, and I always think it’s too high, but it was four bucks at my grocery store this week. I might go back before the promotion ends to get the peony one, but that might be putting too many expectations on myself. Cleaning enough to need two multi-surface sprays? In THIS economy?!
Along with tidying my house, I also rearranged some furniture, which I’m pleased to announce has made my brain feel good. I have more room to work and more room to flop about. Dottie is happy because she can easily access my desk while I am working, and chew on my post-it notes. I think she has a real future here at Hattie Enterprises.
The Lavender Haze Video Was Boring
A new Taylor Swift video has dropped, and I did not like it as well as the other two that have emerged from the Midnights era. It starts with a gratuitous foot shot (why). It’s pretty, though! In this music video, Taylor represents a universal experience for women with bangs: a guy offers to smoke with you and then immediately falls asleep, leaving you to explore a strange house that has not been updated since 1975. Points for realism. The main point of interest for me was that the party scene looked exactly like the party Kate Hudson and Yo-Yo Ma are attending at the beginning of Glass Onion. I am choosing to believe these are canonically linked.
Also, the koi fish totally mean Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) is coming.
Has This Ever Happened to You?
It’s time for me to call 1-888-555-MITCH.
If you read last week’s Friday Dispatch, you may remember that things were afoot in my bathroom. My apartment super and a small squad of plumbers had to do some work in there, to fix a leak that was apparently in the pipe in the wall. But this required them to take out part of my shower/tub and my toilet (?). I am not a plumber, so I don’t really understand why this is; I hope to know more after seeing The Super Mario Brothers Movie in theaters this April.
Anyway.
My shower is fine. My tub is great! It has a shiny new faucet. But my toilet is…worse? It’s the same toilet, mind you, it’s just…well. Instead of describing it, I’m going to refer you to this I Think You Should Leave sketch, which holds an uncanny resemblance to the actual events I have endured this week. I wish I were part of the Turbo Team.
Conspicuous Consumption
No weapon formed against me shall prosper EXCEPT the series pilot for Bunheads. Ahhhhh!!!! I watched this last night after enjoying Bunheads years ago, and watching clips/random episodes, but never actually seeing the pilot. And I didn’t know it was nuts! Everything about the pilot is bonkers. I’m not saying anything else – you can watch it on Hulu. I really should not start any new shows until Dottie and I finish watching Better Call Saul.
My tired little night shift brain has not been so good about reading. When I’ve finished work this week, I’ve gone straight to the Tragedeigh or NameNerdCircleJerk subreddits to zone out while I read about children named Se7en or Heaghzel. Not that I’m one to talk – recent additions to my “Names for future babies or characters” list include Frisbee, Nest, and Hunk. I also added Pizzarina, which is a 30 Rock reference, but truly a beautiful name for a baby girl!
Anyway, I’ve barely read this week, but that’s good because I have a few used books coming in the mail. Journal of a Solitude, by May Sarton, which I have not read; Dunce, by Mary Ruefle, which I have not read; and Cassandra at the Wedding, by Dorothy Baker, which is one of the best books I’ve ever read and I don’t own a copy of. CatW is best described as “alternate-universe Joan Didion fanfiction.” It helps if you know a pair of neurotic, enigmatic twins in real life, who you can mentally cast as Judith and Cassandra.
I am very mad that I cannot find this edition of the book anywhere:I also signed up for a month of Kindle Unlimited just to read Waif, which has been on my list for a few months.
Tonight I am planning to watch Shotgun Wedding. Will report back.
Things I Didn’t Buy This Week
Recently, I was browsing potential gifts for one of my friends, who is a toddler, and I came across this Little Tikes three-in-one sports zone:
While I did not buy it, I do have to ask…when will one of these become available for grown-ups? I would love an adult-oriented activity center that has soccer, basketball, AND bowling set up in one convenient location. It sounds dangerous and fun! Add axe-throwing in there!
My friend Tara alerted me to a major sale on velour tracksuits at Hollister; unfortunately, my size was sold out in most styles/colors. But that’s okay, because now I know Hollister is the place to go for affordable velour tracksuits.
Pure Instinct pheromone perfume oil is trending on TikTok right now, which means it’s marked up super high on Amazon. I’m going to wait until the next time I walk past an IRL sex store, and buy it for six bucks.
Hair cheese? I was served this ad for…hair cheese
When the price on this Rainbow High doll drops below $22, I am going to buy her. Her name is Sheryl Meyer, she is blatantly modeled off Cher from Clueless, and she is going to live with me.
Fun City Editions is putting out a Blu-Ray of Party Girl on March 28, and I am sorely tempted to preorder it. I don’t have a Blu-Ray player, of course, so that presents some challenge. However, to quote the song Party Girl (Turn Me Loose) by Ultra Natè, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna live my life! And maybe also get an ill-advised tattoo of the CGI party girl from the opening credits of Party Girl. We’ll seeeeeeeeee!
Happy Friday, fellow party girls. Enjoy the weekend.
Well, nobody new – the people in my life who really love me do not ever expect me to clean, and in fact, greet my trash with warm familiarity when they walk in the door