Beep beep, dispatchers! Happy Friday! It was a full-length week but thanks to my Monday night footballtravel, it felt shorter than normal. I have a lot of fun and goofy weekend plans including…maybe…a goth night? We’ll see. My black lipsticks are in my purse.
One Week Ago I Saw Taylor Swift!
I got to see Taylor Swift last week! It freakin’ rocked!!! She played FORTY-FIVE SONGS, which took her over three hours. I know I wrote a whole newsletter with the essential thesis “Liking Taylor Swift Is Not a Contest.” HOWEVER. During *myyyyyyy* Eras Tour show, Taylor played Long Live for the first time this tour AND she used the famous koi pond guitar. And she debuted When Emma Falls In Love, a new song from Speak Now: Taylor’s Version, which came out that day but I knew all the words too. AND! She played Never Grow Up, which was mean because it makes me cry every time, but nice because I got to hold my mom’s hand and weep openly. AND!!!!! She debuted the music video for I Can See You! Which had Joey King and Taylor Lautner and Presley Cash in it! And then they all came out on stage, and Taylor Lautner did a backflip! What!
My friend Sophia, who came to Missouri and the concert with me, looooooooves Taylor Lautner. She loooooooooooooooves Twilight. My mother did not know who he was. I trie to provide an equivalent comparison, using my own high school celebrity crushes, but the best I could come up with was “the guy who plays Young Neil in Scott Pilgrim VS the World.” I would probably still freak out if I met him IRL.
But back to Taylor (Taylor’s Version). I’ve seen her perform three times now. Every time, it’s been a lot of fun. I got to hear my two all-time favorite Taylor Swift songs IRL (Tis the Damn Season and August), I used the last 1% of my phone battery to film All Too Well for Sophia, and we even wound up with a free bag of popcorn from some very sweet Swifties. The only thing1 I would change: Taylor, throw one or twelve cover songs into the set list! C’mon! It’d be fun! Do Sufjan Stevens! Do Transvision Vamp! Do Sleater-Kinney! Go into your Teal Album era, dammit!
Check Your Mail
Hey, did you order my book? Well go check your mail because GUESS WHAT, they’re SHIPPED!!!! And if you didn’t order my book yet…well…not to be dramatic, but you need to order it soon if you want a copy. I may have a couple of (signed!) spares to send out at the end of the month, but it’s not highly likely. So, heed my dire warning. And also, please, tell me which of my poems is your favorite.
Things I Did Not Buy This Week
I have been on the market for a new phone case. I love my clown but he isn’t very practical. His rubbery carcass is too loose and I can’t risk my phone tumbling out of its protective shell. My mother, who is magic, knew this, and before Taylor Swift she surprised me with the perfect phone case. It has A BEE! It has GLITTER! It has RAINBOW HEARTS! And it has a matching pop socket *and lanyard* so I didn’t drop it during the concert! Mommy is magic.
My brother got an Apple Watch, and generally, whatever my brother does, I copy, because he is the coolest. But I didn’t buy an Apple Watch because even though it seems practical in many ways, it’s very hideous.
I TRIED to buy one of the new wraps from Dunkin’ Donuts. I placed the order in the app. Then I got to Dunkin’ and they said “Sorry, we don’t do those yet!” Like a true millennial, I substituted it with an avocado toast.
I did not buy this Sanrio charging cable bracelet because I know if it broke, I would still wear it as a bracelet, which is impractical.
Instagram user @tylermcgillivary has some very cute co-ord sets, including a camisole and maxi skirt covered in tulips. I can’t justify the $200 price tag on a single outfit. But I can look!
I didn’t get Reebok princess shoes. I thought, based on the name, that they would be cute. They aren’t!
For Christmas, my brother and I both received a lint roller dubbed the “world’s best pet hair remover.” I’ve used it several times since the holidays but last night I really put it to the test. Dottie has been shedding like a maniac, and we had a good extended brush session (with her favorite pet comb, aptly named The Furminator). As a result, there was fur alllllllll over my bed. I may have also trimmed some of her fur with my bang-thinning shears as an experiment. Ahem. Anyway — do you want to see a GROSS before and after? Because after throwing away the large Ball of Spare Dottie, cleaning up the leftover fur took under two minutes.
Look! Magic!!!! Disgusting magic! I didn’t have even one sneeze all night! And now Dottie is extra-cool, so we’re ready for the weekend. I hope you are too.
Okay — I would also get rid of Red. From the concert and from the discography. The whole Red section of the concert was so…Glee-coded [derogatory]