Hi Barbie!1 Hi Oppenheimer! There is a convention in the Barbie film universe where Barbies refer to each other as Barbies, and as such, Barbie moviegoers are referring to each other as Barbie. And I think Oppenheimer audiences – feels weird to say “Oppenheimer fans” – should say “Hi Oppenheimer!” in the same way.
I had Barbies as a kid but I was not, really, a Barbie Girl. I preferred stuffed animals, for the most part. Barbie’s shoes were too tiny for me to put on her by myself so I always forced my mom to do it. Earlier this week when I told a coworker I wasn’t a Barbie Girl as a kid, she said, “Oh, were you a Bratz girl?”
No. I was a porcelain doll girl.
The first time my high school boyfriend came over to my house he got a jump scare when he opened my bedroom door and saw dozens of beautiful, curly-haired Victorian girls standing perfectly still, gazing at my unicorn posters. I also had a porcelain fairy girl in a bright yellow dress, sitting on a swing, who hung from my bedroom ceiling. I think she looked the most like me – green eyes, brown hair – and I liked that she watched over me as I slept.
I don’t think porcelain dolls are creepy, but I also like clowns. I guess anything can be scary en masse. When I stayed in an Air BnB that had glass-encased Barbies in every room, I did think it was a little weird! But in the end it was the least-weird thing about that trip.
I am dressing as a certain Barbie when I go see the movie tonight. She was the best Barbie because she came with lipstick, which I ate. A glimpse at my inspiration (in German just because):
They Shoot Horse Girls, Don’t They?
There are only a couple of literary journals I consider “dream journals,” and this week, after eight months, one of them rejected me! Which is a bummer because I have a poem – arguably my best poem to date! – which would’ve been great to see in print. It is about horse girls and I am aggressively submitting it so when it DOES land somewhere, I can share it all over (and who knows maybe I’ll even get paid for it!).
But! I Have Another New Poem Out
In the Cancer edition of Dharma Direction, you will find a new poem. By me! It’s called Wrestle With Jimmy and yes, that title is a Weezer reference.
It is a poem about buying cheeseburgers. But also? Other stuff. To see the whole thing, go read
right now.Conspicuous Consumption
STOP! reading this newsletter and GO! watch Jury Duty right now. Don’t look up anything about it. Don’t ask any questions! Go to Amazon (or Freevee which is part of Amazon but has ads) and watch it. It’s like a real-life Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But better because no children die in a river (chocolate or otherwise).
Jury Duty was the only thing keeping me from rewatching Bored to Death, which I finished recently. It’s cute. What if Jason Schwartzman (you know, the guy from Coconut Records) were a failed novelist/best friends with Ted Danson and Zach Galifianakis? What if he decided to become a detective to deal with his failures? It would be this extremely silly show.
My friend Jake introduced me to a musician called Jetty Bones earlier this week and I’ve been listening to her almost nonstop.
My OTHER friend Patrick Hastie has given me something else to listen: his new comedy album! It’s called I Will Fight All of You, but don’t be fooled: Patrick is a sweet Iowa boy and will not hurt you. You can get a CD or digital download from Bandcamp or on iTunes. I did!
My book is out in the world! So many people have sent me photos of it after receiving it in the mail which fills me with delight. If you haven’t yet, please buy it, and then send me a picture when it arrives! And if you just can’t wait, there’s a PDF version. I also encourage you to pick up some other titles from BS – like Kimberly Wolf’s debut, How the Frogs Get Married.
Things I Did Not Buy This Week
This is mostly a “potent potables” list. Guess I was hungry, but not THAT hungry!
There is a $29 hot dog at the restaurant Mischa. I haven’t eaten it. I did eat four or five hot dogs this week. Their total cost was certainly under $29. But that has not sated my curiosity for Big Hot Dog.
I wanted popsicles this week. I was walking through the frozen desserts aisle when I saw that Drumsticks now come in “Unicorn Dreamin’” which is “a crispy purple cone that features a delicious strawberry and bubblegum flavored dessert with strawberry sauce topping, paired with strawberry sauce core and a chocolatey tip.” They only sold these in boxes with NORMAL Drumsticks, which I did not want. I will convince a non-unicorn-loving entity to split a box with me.
I WANTED the Nerds-flavored Bomb Pops, but the store didn’t have those! I bought delicious paletas instead but I’m still mad!
Waterloo seltzer apparently makes a seasonal, Bomb Pop - inspired flavor called “summer berry.” The cans evoke the red, white and blue tanginess of a classic Bomb Pop. But my grocery store does not have them. For some reason, my grocery store still has the “spiced apple” seltzer flavor. ????? I bought a box, and they taste like cinnamon apple Yankee candles. They’re an affront to God. I love them.
I’m sure that my Amelia’s Notebook series is still safely at my parents’ house, shoved into one of the dozens of bins labeled “Keep FOREVER!!!!!” that I left there when I moved for college. But if not, that’s okay. These books, hand-me-downs from my cousin, are probably part of the reason I grew up to be a writer. Earlier this week I re-read a few pages of one online, and I got nostalgic and considered ordering a couple off eBay. I stayed strong and scrolled PDFs instead!
Okay. That’s it! Happy Friday, happy Summer, be safe and have fun this weekend, stay cool, be happy. I’m excited for Friday, and I’m excited for Saturday, but I’m especially excited for Sunday (sleepy). Chat with you all next week.
When my friends Lynn and Ainsley and I went to the Malibu Barbie pop-up cafe a few weeks ago, all the staff greeted guests and each other with “Hi, Barbie!” When we needed a photo of our outfits, I asked a staffer, “Excuse me, Barbie? Could you please take a photo of us?” and he said “Of course Barbies!”
Thanks for the Dharma Direction support sweet Hattie!! We love seeing the world through your words <3