Hello! Happy March First! It is a new month! What are you gonna do about it?!
I was in my twenties when I learned about the “bunny/rabbit” superstition linked to each new month. The belief is that if, on the first day of the month, the first words you say are “bunny bunny” or “rabbit rabbit,” you’ll have good luck all month long. There are variations: “white rabbit,” “I love rabbits,” “rabbit rabbit rabbit.” Growing up, I’d never heard of this, but my brother and I always woke up to a “Happy _____ first!” from our mom. And still do, via text!
I learned about “bunny bunny” from a deeply sad memoir by Alan Zweibel, a writer who part of the inaugural crop of SNL staff. The book is titled “Bunny Bunny: Gilda Radner: A Sort of Love Story,” and it’s a fast read, composed mostly of dialogue, real and remembered. Zweibel and Radner were close, and throughout Zweibel’s recollection of their relationship, there’s a thread of “will-they, why-won’t-they.” It’s a beautiful, tragic portrait of friendship. I always think of it on the first of the month.
This Could Have Been an Email
Earlier this week, Substack debuted direct messaging on the platform. My initial reaction was the same as when they introduced “chats,” a forum that is somehow different from the comment section except not really, and “notes,” which is like Twitter except…well, it’s Twitter. That gut reaction, mind you, was Ew. When I started using Substack, I liked it because it combined my two favorite things, emails and blogs. You could even respond to a newsletter BY EMAILING THE PERSON BACK instead of leaving a comment. Cool! A private little conversation! In the time since, Substack has added all the aspects of the internet I DON’T like, such as podcasts and photos, and so I am feeling just a little…meh!
Now, my issue is not that I want Substack to go back to being Substack. My issue is that I want everyone to only use email. GOD, I LOVE EMAIL. I love receiving emails, reading emails, ignoring emails, forwarding emails, writing emails, revisiting emails. I re-read emails from my early twenties and college and high school all the time. There are emails I have memorized! There are emails I have bookmarked.
I love that, when I send an email, there is NO ASSUMPTION that I will respond back within the day. Perfect! I love that when I archive/save an email, it is cool and normal – responsible, even! – and I love searching through my emails for obscure backpacks I recommended to random classmates in 2014. I like texts, when I read them, which is sometimes. I love letters. I love phone calls! I dislike DMs on social platforms. I like when my brother sends me funny memes on Instagram at 2am, and I like sending my mom cute cat videos on Instagram because she only logs in once every two weeks, so it’s like I’ve been leaving little treats in her inbox that whole time.
All of this to say: I like the private, intimate world of email, and when I am So Very Rich and Famous, I will ONLY talk to people via email or phone call, NO EXCEPTION, and also, I will set up an email address for my horse, who will live in the house with me, and he will NEVER learn what a “direct message” is.
It Is Book-Buying Season
Hello! Guess what I did this morning! I bought books.
At the end of 2023, I said, “Okay, Hattie, you are causing yourself problems by buying EVERY book you can’t find at the library, and it needs to stop. Temporarily.” So, I said “No buying books until March.” And I stuck to it! But guess what? Today is March, and books I’ve bought.
Throughout the last 2.75 months, I’ve kept a list of the books I felt an impulse to buy. During that time, I found many of them at the library in physical or ebook form; others, I put on an AbeBooks wish list so I can buy used copies for cheap in the future.
I narrowed the list down to two titles I wanted to buy ASAP. When I woke up this morning, I rolled over, grabbed my phone, and hit “COMPLETE ORDER.”
Enchantment, by
– I know I just mentioned Katherine May’s newsletter, The Clearing. But guess what? I like her writing so much that I decided to BUY MORE OF IT. This book seems akin to Big Magic, which I liked, and the focus is on living in a state of perpetual wonder, a thing I manage pretty well already, but could hone my skills in for long-term success.
From the book description: “Might there be a way for all of us to move through life with curiosity and tenderness, sensitized to the subtle magic all around?…Blending lyricism and storytelling, sensitivity and empathy, Enchantment invites each of us to open the door to human experience in all its sensual complexity, and to find the beauty waiting for us there.” Here is the link to that book!Dayswork, by Chris Bachelder and Jennifer Habel – A book co-authored by a novelist and a poet (ooh!), who are also husband and wife (yeah!), about a woman’s fixation on Herman Melville (I'm listening!) and archival research (oh baby!) that functions as an introspective treatise on literature, love, writing and marriage (AWOOGAH!). Obviously I am excited to underline weird one-off lines from this thing. You can buy that book right here!
BONUS! You can’t buy this book yet (sorry!) but I am reading the full draft of my friend Danny’s latest novel. In the 3 years I’ve known him, Danny has finished two books. He’s an immensely talented and diligent writer. This new manuscript has it all: intrigue, physics, psychics (who are actually just physicists), mistaken identity, misrepresented identity, and…MURDER?! Someday it will be a best-seller, and then a blockbuster movie starring Emma Watson and David Tennant, and I will go to London and wear something outlandish to the premiere.
Dr. Grip or: How I Learned to Stop Procrastinating and Clean My Purse
I had a miniature snit fit several weeks ago because I could not find a particular pen. Now, on a daily basis, I use Muji .38 pens for nearly every purpose except freehand longform writing (outlining, poetry drafts, prose journal writing). Anything that requires a steady flow of words gets the PaperMate InkJoy or the Sharpie S-Gel.
So I don’t really know why, last January, I ordered the Dr. Grip pen. I guess you could say I was in the GRIP of madness!
;) ;) ;)
Or more likely I read an article somewhere titled “30 writers share their 13 favorite pens” and picked the one that was on clearance at the time. And while paying $8 for a single pen1 is ridiculous, I’ve spent more money on worse things! The Dr. Grip pen is, as advertised, clinically comfy. I got it in green, and liked it a lot, and have found it a good choice for taking notes in workshop because I can write in small letters (marginalia!) without cramping. THEN, HORROR OF HORRORS, I LOST MY GRIP.
My Dr. Grip. In the course of an evening I methodically sorted, examined and re-sorted all the storage cubes and stacking organizers in and around my desk. I even dumped out my sticker collection, in case Dr. Grip had found his way in there somehow and was nesting among the Lisa Frank and Hello Kitty stickers. I guess you could say that was my last re-sort.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
And Dr. Grip was nowhere. I must have dropped him somewhere out in the world, or given him to a friend in a fit of generosity, or accidentally left him in a medical office after signing in for an appointment. I was so sad, mostly because I knew I could never justify repurchasing a ballpoint pen that cost twice what I’m usually to spend on a pack of ten.
And then I was putting some old purses away and I found him! He was in a purse. That’s all. I cheered and hooted with happiness. End of story. I guess the moral here is…only buy pens you can bear to lose, in your house or otherwise. And better yet, own enough pens that when you clean out your purses, you find them in every pocket.
Detritus
Yesterday was Leap Day, which means it was my parents’ wedding anniversary! Four years ago, we celebrated this occasion with a massive “seventh anniversary” party, inviting all our friends and loved ones, including people my parents hadn’t seen in decades. And, as it turns out, getting the entire family together in early 2020 was a smart move.
When my parents got married, they very cleverly made their wedding colors red & silver, so they could buy Valentine’s decor on clearance (a hack I can confirm works just as well now!). My mom sported the red fringe dress she wore at their reception and looked even better than on her wedding day.
Happy Anniversary, momma and daddy. Love y’all!
Leap Day is also when we2 cry beautiful fat tears for Leap Day William, who rewards us with cigarettes and candy before diving back into the Mariana Trench for another 1,460 days! We all know this because we watched hardworking lawyer Dave Williams learn the true meaning of Leap Day in a syndicated USA movie marathon.
As such, when invited to a Leap Day party, I dressed appropriately. I didn’t want anyone to pull my hair as recompense for wearing the wrong clothes.
For good measure, my makeup fit the theme too. Here’s a close-up, pre-mustache.
There’s an interview from 2009 that I quoted twice this week, in which Jesse Eisenberg talks about being confused for Michael Cera or Jon Heder. A kid named Abraham bullied him incessantly and he gave the best reponse:
“I say, ‘Please Abraham, I’m not that man.’”
And finally! I got a Facebook message from someone named “Blessings Janet Heather” who really, really wanted to send me money. Or so she claimed! She INSISTED on blessing my Venmo with $1,000, if only I would first send her a $25 good-faith depoit. Since I was in the passenger seat of a car for the better part of an hour, I decided to use my time wisely, by wasting Janet’s.
It wasn’t hard! I did a quick Google for “$25 Venmo transaction screenshot” and “Wells Fargo banking app screenshot,” then used the MarkUp tool to do some lazy editing. Bing bang boom, time to gaslight this scammer! I insisted that I had sent Janet the $25, and, in fact, she had already blessed my Venmo with $1,000, which I sent to the Wells Fargo bank account I definitely have, and WHAT is THIS, she sent me an additional $450 which I also already deposited? Janet!!!! I could not be any more grateful! I told Janet she would have GREAT karma forever, she would be in all my prayers because of her selfless generosity, and I would spend all of my days telling my loved ones that Janet had CHANGED MY LIFE by BLESSING MY FAMILY and giving me $1,450 minus that $25 “security deposit” which was WELL worth the risk.
Here is how Janet responded to my gratitude:
Mission? Accomplished.
What I Did Not Buy This Week
As mentioned previously, my book-buying moratorium is over (for now!), so this list may be…short. ShortER, anyway, than it has been. Or less literary.
Here’s what I did not buy this week:
A print of this oil-on-fabric painting by Sydney Swisher, titled “The Meaning of Enough.” The print is pretty, but I want the ACTUAL PAINTING, because…well, here, watch this video and you’ll get it.
A pocket-size Filofax to use as a wallet, something my friend
is trying and which I am now curious about! Yes, EVEN THOUGH it would mean abandoning my Sailor Moon novelty wallet.A cool gemstone ring I got an Etsy ad for
Cool two-tone earrings I got an Instagram ad for
A VERY silly knife block that I love but which DOES NOT COME WITH KNIVES, SO WHAT’S THE POINT, THEN
Pretty stickers:
A three-pack of the Nivea Men bodywash my boyfriend uses, and I love because it smells so good, because Amazon “can’t ship this item to our address?” Okay!
A cute dress for Dottie, which I only wanted more after seeing it modeled by this dog:
Alright. I gotta go read before more books get to my house! Godspeed and happy Friday, folks. Remember, don’t talk to strangers, unless they’re offering you money.
30 Rock fans