Hello! Happy Friday! Guess what I did this week? I made an appointment to get my wisdom teeth out. Well – 2/4 (one-half!) of them. Next Friday I’ll be getting the first “batch” removed and, at an as-yet-undetermined later date, my dentist will probably want the other two. So, if after next week, this newsletter is 50% stupider, I am sorry!
My brother got his wisdom teeth out a couple of years ago and promptly made them into a necklace. He wrapped wire around them (they’re beautiful teeth!) and strung them on a cord, and occasionally accessorizes with a necklace of his own teeth. I’ve deliberated the value of turning my own wisdom teeth into a set of earrings. I also think it would be fun to take them with me to thrift or antique stores, pretend to find them inside of trinket boxes, and ask employees, “Excuse me, could you tell me about the provenance of this tooth?” In all likelihood, the teeth will go into my jewelry armoire next to my Big Bag of Hair. I trust that when the time is right, the purpose of these artifacts will be revealed to me.
Hmm, okay. Normal start to the newsletter today!
Adventures in Gaslighting: The Library is a Store That Won’t Take Your Money
I finished the two books I ordered on March 1st and then I immediately wanted to buy a bunch more books. INSTEAD, I returned my two outstanding1 books to the library, and then I “shopped.” I’ll admit that, while I’m an avid library user, my habits have tended viciously toward the behaviors of a brainwashed e-commerce shopper. Search in the NYPL app, add to cart place a hold, pick up on a frantic dash between other chores. I never browse anymore.
But today, after I returned my books and before I went to the grocery store (oh how I love to survey the meats!), I browsed the shelves for something that might strike my fancy. And lo, my fancy was struck! Stricken? Striked, why not.
I checked out Breakfast of Champions, the people’s Kurt Vonnegut, which I had previously intended to read digitally but ditched when the epub file collapsed in a pile of half-rendered symbols and emoticons. And! I got Wild Milk, by Sabrina Orah mark, which someone (Elizabeth????) mentioned to me forever ago. It’s a title from Dorothy, one of my favorite imprints, and the comparisons to Leonora Carrington are testimonial enough for me. I placed a hold on Elizabeth Hardwick’s Sleepless Nights; I also want to read her biography of Herman Melville2 and am horrified to realize I don’t have subscription to NYRB so I can whet my whistle with this in the meantime.
Speaking of books! Here’s a pleasant surprise. Over the weekend I read The Book, a recent Mary Ruefle release that has been on my shelf for a while, but which I had not read all the way through. And guess what I discovered! This collection includes Dear Friends, which originally appeared in The Sewanee Review and is one of my all-time favorite essays. I had planned to make photocopies of my edition of the Sewanee Review printing, and now I don’t have to!
Call to Action: Fundraising Opportunity!
I’ve written previously here about my friend Alicia, whose mom has been working for several months to find an assisted-living facility that can accommodate her needs as a blind person. I’m re-sharing the GoFundMe because right now, Alicia is advocating for her mother while she is back in the hospital with cardiac issues. If you have any flexibility in your budget right now, please consider donating here. Thank you!
I SURVIVED: 16.25 Minutes of The Mean Girls Musical Movie
I try to avoid spilling Haterade on main. However.
However. The Mean Girls movie musical is…SO!...bad, it, it, the, it...flame, flames. Flames! on the side of my face. Breathing, breath HEAVING breaths.
Look, I made it 14.25 minutes into the movie, so maybe I’m wrong3 here. But woof! THIS is the thing that made me say “We are done with sequels and reboots for a while.” I actually saw the Mean Girls musical on Broadway with my friend Sophia, and while it wasn’t a good musical, it was at least enjoyable, with some highlights and catchy songs. But for whatever reason, Paramount Sanitation and Waste Management decided to excise all the fun parts of the movie (Gretchen/Karen in Meet the Plastics!), mix all the sound in a weird unnatural unappealing way, and waste the talents of perfectly good actors.
“Ah, but wait, Hattie, I thought you saw 16.25 minutes of Mean Girls, not 14.25!” My astute reader, I regret to inform you that I skipped ahead and watched 2 minutes of MY favorite song from this musical, which is titled Sexy. It is the Halloween song. Even though Avantika is PERFECTLY cast as Karen, they didn’t let her be in a musical for one gosh dang minute and, instead, made her star in a music video, which production then crammed into the film. I dunno! It’s a bummer!
And I do feel a little bad being mean about…Mean Girls.
To wash the bad taste from my brain, I watched this delightful performance by the Rebooted Regina George, chaotic pop sensation Reneé Rapp, and Megan Thee Stallion on SNL.
Also, while we’re on the subject of music!
I was shopping and this song came on, I Shazamed it, I keep listening to it, I love it, it’s called Ditto and it may be the catchiest thing I’ve heard in 2024 so far.
What I Did Not Buy This Week
I got my tax refund and I put it toward my credit card/wisdom tooth extraction LIKE A RESPONSIBLE YOUNG LADY (ew) (boring!). Here’s what I didn’t spend it on:
ANYTHING at Ulta, because the 34th Street location is understocked and impossible to navigate and somehow, I always forget this.
This Sanrio Forest Friends tote, which went online this morning, already sold out, and is now listed on eBay at an exorbitant markup.
Any Beano products, which…thank goodness? This Instagram ad I got is, hmm.
Vampire Weekend tickets…should I do that? Hmmmm
The Le Labo Rose 31 conditioner that I have, in sample form, from a hotel in Boston and have been rationing, as it makes a delightful leave-in conditioner
Rugs that look like BEAUTIFUL JEWELS
Tickets to The Hours at the Met Opera, which I missed last time and am considering this time
Ahh. What a week! What a Friday! What a springtime! I will leave you with this: a beautiful portrait I made of Dottie while watching Poor Things last weekend (a movie I loved instantly and will rewatch again anytime). Godspeed! Farewell!
They weren’t late. They were just great books! The Answers (Lacey) and Nightwood (Barnes)
Not on Bookshop dot org!
I’m not :)