The Friday Dispatch: May 19, 2023
If I had a million dollars...I'd be rich! (until I spent it all on notebooks)
Hello, happy Friday, good afternoon! It’s a bright, beautiful, sunny, absolutely FRIGID day in New York City. I woke up and put on a huge sweater. My radiator kicked on for a while. Thank God for cats.
I Have Mouth AND I Must Scream?!
(In THIS economy?!)
Here’s the gross update you may or may not want. Real Hattheads know that last week, I went through my latest round of mouth puberty. One week later, my wisdom tooth is ALMOST done ripping through my tender human flesh! It was a long, painful, unpleasant journey. I will spare you the details, but I have less gums1 than I did before.
So much has changed in the last week. I have a favorite type of Advil (Dual Action Coated Caplets with Acetaminophen, thank you Amy for suggesting). I got overconfident, then was forced to swallow a piece of salami whole. I have new, unnecessary opinions on protein shakes (the reformulation of Soylent is pretty good). And I spilled carrot soup on myself in the vestibule of a Home Goods, so I poked a hole in the container and slurped it down silly-style while walking down the street.
A few things that helped: salt, saltwater, brushing my gums with a baby toothbrush covered in salt, Chloraseptic sore-throat lozenges, putting a whole cheese tamale into a vat of soup and then letting it turn to wet flavorful mush. Also, this jelly toothpaste from Lush, which I bought last month on a lark, but turned out to be just what I needed when normal toothpaste became Too Spicy.
Call For Recommendations: WFH Necessities
Normally in this dispatch, we live vicariously through the purchases I did not make over the past week. And we will be doing that later! But first…I want your advice.
See, I started my new job this week (and love it!). Because I’m a full-time remote worker, I get a stipend to spend on office supplies. I have a desk. I have a chair (it is at Sophia’s house and I am gonna break in and steal it). I have an ergonomic cushion for said chair. I have a planning calendar.
What else do I need? More importantly, what would be nice to have? I would love to know what has made your desk/drafting table/work zone more fun and/or functional. I have a reasonable supply stipend. Aside from the novelty pens and kitschy desk lamp that I’m always compulsively shopping for, what else should I buy? Please respond to this email with your suggestions.
Reading, Eating, Watching, Living, Laughing, Loving
I am entering season six of Better Call Saul. I guess it flashes forward in time, so I am going to need to stop watching, watch ALL OF BREAKING BAD, and then come back? I dunno, that sounds hard. But Dottie is very excited so I can’t say no.
My latest book purchase is An Encyclopedia of Bending Time, where Kristin Keane shows her incredible talent with prose and structure in a very moving memoir of grief.
Tara turned me on to a horrifying, wonderful Instagram account, called Clearwax. It is in-ear videos of earwax removal. Some people like pimple-popping videos. I like this. Whatever you’re imagining, I promise this is way way waaaay grosser. Maybe…maybe don’t click that link if you’re squeamish.
Things I Did Not Buy…THIS Week
I don’t need any more fancy notebooks, and I definitely don’t need any $55 fancy notebooks. Which is why I did not buy this work of art with illustrated edges after Chloe sent me the link to drool over.
If I had a million dollars, I would buy this fancy house. Until I saw this listing, I did not have a “dream kitchen.” I wouldn’t change a single thing about this house.
I have a gigantic Squishable bee (named Bartlebee) who is larger than my entire torso and extremely cuddly. I would like to bring home this “queen bee” version, in a smaller size, so he can raise her as his daughter.
My stupid painful tooth made it impossible to eat a lot of things this week. Of course, that means I found myself craving outlandish, expensive desserts. Top of mind: the sumptuous, horrifyingly-delicious seven-layer caramel cake from Caroline’s, or shortbread from NYC’s own Shortbread Society. Highland toffee and the pride shortbread both look too good to be true.
I love this enameled orange blossom necklace from Gwen Barba. I didn’t and won’t buy it, because I do not have $1,000 for a necklace, and because they spelled their Instagram caption “sneak peak” which made me mad. Sorry for acting like a snob. I know that means I’m begging for an undetected typo in this email.
Okay! That is it for me this week. It’s been a good one and I’m very excited to dress up tomorrow in my wedding-guest best. Expect pics next Friday, because I’m wearing a dress that was on the “TIDBTW” list ages ago!
Love you, be safe, have fun, and thanks for reading.
Less gum TISSUE, I guess. And fewer gums. Less gum?