The Friday Dispatch: May 9, 2025
If the White Sox win the World Series I will convert to Catholicism
Hello! Happy Friday! I was in Chicago yesterday when the new Pope dropped. He is FROM CHICAGO. This feels fortuitous! Synchronous, even! I was a bit dismayed to learn he is a White Sox fan, only because I’d been singing “Pro-Cubs Pope, PRO-CUBS POOOOOPE!1” over and over:
Initially, I was not scheduled to fly through Chicago-Midway. Coming back from Salt Lake City, I was originally booked on a United Airlines flight into…NEWARK.
*dramatic music sting*
Now, I was lucky. At this most recent work conference, I was one of 10+ people who attempted to change their tristate-bound flight to Anywhere But Newark. And I succeeded! But I only did so because I had serious concerns about the whole Flying Into Newark thing a few days before the news of its significant delays and, uh, radar outages hit the mainstream.
Oh, what’s that? You don’t log an hour per week on professional pilot rumor forums, so you had no idea Newark was problematic until that CNN article? How does it feel to be NORMAL, my dear reader????
Ahem. Anyway. I was thinking “Hmmmm, I should change my flight,” and then I got two notifications:
My corporate travel app sent a notice which read, “Your selected flight route has a history of being on time 0% of the time!” and
Untied Airlines texted me to say “Hey, it says here you’re flying into Newark. We’d like to recommend you not do that.”
So, instead of a 4:30 PM flight to Newark, I took a 4:30 AM taxi to catch a 7:10 AM flight, with a layover in Chicago (Home of the Pope). Even with a delay, I was home and reunited with my long-lost cat by 6:00 PM Eastern. My original flight was delayed and didn’t reach New Jersey til 12:30 AM this morning. So! I’m tired today but not as tired as I would be if I’d kept to my original schedule. An ounce of prevention, etc.
It Turns Out Salt Lake City Is Cool
I think I settled on this, re: California: California is not depressing, but being depressed there feels worse than being depressed in New York. Because, you know—beach! sunshine.2 cocktail!!!—and in New York you can at least say :) rats :) dirt. The Hudson River :)
None of this matters, though, because Salt Lake City is very cool! I’m always excited to visit a new city, but I admittedly didn’t really know what to expect with SLC. I stayed at The Alta Club, the historic jewel in SLC’s wood-paneled crown, which did not seem haunted at all despite the fact that my room came with its own stationery suite.
Before heading to SLC I did some research and a restaurant called The White Horse came up as a particularly desirable option. Then, I went to Salt Lake City, and my friends Martin & Grace said “Oh yeah we went to White Horse and it was awesome.” So I had to go!
Everything I got there was delicious, but the brussels sprouts were so good that I went back and ordered them again. I don’t know how to talk about these sprouts and sound normal. They were crispy but served in a BROTH. With PEANUTS. I fell asleep thinking about them, and then went back, and ate more. I told my server (who had custody of my single bar seat both nights), “I like brussels sprouts but these have ruined all other sprouts for me,” and he sympathized.
Also, Martin & Grace invited me to Dreamscapes, which is a very cool interactive art project from the Utah Arts Council. It’s sort of MeowWolfy. PurrDog! BarkFox?
Nothing to say about it except A) very cool B) you should go if you’re in Utah C) I want to rip off all the art installations in my own home and D) does this horse lamp look like Chappel Roan to you:
Other things from Utah that feel Plucked From My Brain…
This Dreamscapes fish:
The unexpectedly excellent art exhibit on the third floor of the Church History museum:
A dancing robot I met on the street (he played Funkytown for me!):
All of this, and somehow, the highlight of my week was learning
had referred to me as both “emotionally regulated” AND “glamorous” in a recent edition of . I STRONGLY suggest subscribing to Lynn’s3 newsletter, and not just because her compliments have steadied her position in my favor!
OH! Going back to California for a minute. Myles & I had a day to carouse in Venice Beach and the surrounding area. This involved mini golf, tracking down his grandma’s murals4, getting free La Colombe coffee, cheese-stuffed bagels, a trip to my beloved La Monarca bakery, and! I bought a beaded hummingbird to hang in my window :)
And! On Sunday, May the 4th, I had a work meeting…that happened to be Star Wars-themed…and, to my surprise/delight, there was a photobooth.
WIDNBTW
Okay, I don’t have a ton of brain left. Can you tell? I need to go fry up some pierogis. Here’s What I Did Not Buy This Week!
No Way To Say Goodbye Perfume from Lush, where I stopped in after filming my last video interview of a 2-week, 100-something-video-interview stretch. I put this on and liked it, but I really do not need new perfume. However! I did buy a My Melody bath bomb and close out my travel with a way-too-hot, just-pink-enough bath. Not pictured, for some reason, just out of frame: my My Melody toiletry bag.
A very cute Willie Nelson shirt with a horse on it
The Build-a-Bear stuffed animals at Midway Airport (perfect airport no notes)
A Calico Critters set which features a HORSE at a VANITY?! This is ME. THIS IS ME!!!!!! Why did they take my soul and put it into a Calico Critters! How!
Compression socks at Walgreens—I meant to do this before I flew back from Utah, but I forgot. After a lot of travel and a lot of conference time on my feet, my cankles sure are cankling. But I DID buy cute floral compression socks online and will report back after I’ve had a chance to try them!
Some “stinky stickers” with roller skates on them. Flabbergasted re: what the smell might be!
These “fantasy teas,” which remind me of the various Faeries5 from Neopets dot com. The librarian faerie? The light faerie?! Come on! Beautiful.
Okay. That is all. I’m kind of more normal-er now and soon you can hear me rant, as promised, about Sanrio stuff. Until then: pierogi pierogi pierogi pierogi pierogi. Brussels sprouts, I miss you.
Hey, Chicago! Whaddya say?/In the Father’s name we pray!
Not while I was there, for some FREAKING reason!
I texted Lynn from Los Angeles, where I met her, and said “Hey I am in LA where we met.” Technically, Lynn is my FIRST New York friend, because I met her in LA when I briefly lived there, a full year before I moved to NYC. Lynn is very funny and smart and has incredible hair and—and listen, this is a tough category—the best karaoke vocals of my entire friend group? She should be the only person besides Danzig allowed to sing “Mother.”
I have now seen four of Eva Cockcroft’s extant murals! "Earth Memories" and "The Chain Undone," both in Los Angeles, "La Grande Jatte in Harlem," right here in NYC, and a gigantic bicentennial in Warrensburg, NY. If you’re in any of these places, go see them!
If you IMMEDIATELY pictured the Earth faerie, you’re bisexual! FYI.
Aww you're welcome and thank you