The Friday Dispatch: November 10, 2023
You screwed up a perfectly good Hot Pocket, is what you did
Hi, happy Friday! It’s mid-November. Are you filled with dread? Me too!
That’s not true. We’re closer to Christmas (good) and New Year’s (gooooood), so even though we’re in Cold Weather Season (bad) I have reason to persevere. But wow…I really thought I would be more productive in November! That was silly. Then again, this week I put up wallpaper, hung art in the house, had my writing workshop, made several delicious and frightening casseroles, worked on my novel, wrote a poem, wrote multiple blogs, completed a lengthy training program AND worked my full-time job…but…somehow…that doesn’t feel…productive? Hmm.
Ok, continuing on.
For Whom the Door Dashes
It dashes for…we?
Here’s what’s been happening. Every 10 days or so, there is a knock on the door. My boyfriend goes to answer it. It is a DoorDash or Seamless delivery driver. They try to give us some food, and then my boyfriend says, “Sorry, we didn’t order any food!” because we didn’t order any food. Then the rigamarole: checking the street address, checking the apartment number, confirming it’s correct, confirming the random person whose name is on the ticket does not live in our apartment without our knowledge. And then the driver goes to call the restaurant and figure out What The Hell Happened.
We never accept the food. But the driver always arrives right after we eat lunch. So maybe some day, our schedules and morals will align, and we can commit theft.
Look At It. It’s Got Anxiety
Speaking of lunch. Did you guys know they took the sleeves off Hot Pockets? At the start of this week we bought a bunch of Hot Pockets (because we like to meal prep!) and when I went to make the XL Buffalo Chicken Hot Pocket, it was sleeveless. What! As all HotHeads know, the thermal cardboard sleeve on a Hot Pocket is what allows it to cook through in the middle. It’s also the only thing keeping you from spilling cheese juice on your nice clean bathrobe. According to the exterior Hot Pocket packaging, in lieu of a convenient, microwave-safe sleeve, I was to place the “sandwich1” on a plate and just let the radiation touch it with no barrier. Rude. Apparently, the regular-size Hot Pockets still come with a sleeve. But every time I eat the XL Buffalo Chicken Hot Pockets that are in our freezer, I think of this tweet:
Not my Hot Pockets.
Look At This BONKERS Karaoke Video
IDK what’s going on with “Breezy,” if that is his real name, but ALL his videos are bizarre and delightful like this. You’ll never guess how the Taylor Swift “Look What You Made Me Do” video opens.
PSA (Public Sock Announcement)
Last week I bought a bunch of socks off the internet. So should you.
Okay, more info:
When I was in Missouri a few weeks ago, I touched some expensive but VERY soft socks at a way overpriced home goods store. Silly Past Hattie forgot to take a photo of the display, but! After I got back to New York, I sleuthed out the brand by looking up one of the designs I remembered – these birthday cake ones – and, go figure, the line I was looking for is the “World’s Softest Socks” from Crescent Sock Company.
On the day I logged on to the site, they happened to be having a big clearance sale with an additional 25% off the weekend collection. So I got several pairs of these socks, which I saw for $15 per pair in the store, and bought at $2 - $4 per pair, with free shipping. If you want cozy, go for these; if you want soft, warm, and practical, try these comfy low socks. I am a lifelong Low-Profile Sock Disliker, but these have my whole heart. I am becoming a sock influencer.
WIDBTW
*My friend Chloe alerted me to a promo from Firmoo, where I could get my first pair of prescription glasses totally free! They arrived this week and correct my vision just fine. I went with these green cubes, which make me feel like a sexy, Shrek-sy librarian.
*There is no part of me that NEEDS a portable desk in the form of this “Writer’s Box” from Galen Leather. But every few days I have pulled up the webpage to stare at it.
*I want to put Dottie’s face in this $4,500 fancy dog ring
*I saw a neon yellow Rebecca Minkoff tote bag at Nordstrom Rack, and while it was waaaaay overpriced, it was the perfect color. But c’mon. $60 for no interior pockets? Grow up!
Playlist: Rock in Two Places
Last Friday night, my boyfriend and I went to Brooklyn and attended the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Why wasn’t it in Ohio? Great question! There’s nothing wrong with Ohio! Anyway, we were blessed by the Rock Hall’s apparent lack of loyalty, because the lineup of performers was BONKERS. For a while, I’ve been saying that I wanted to see Willie Nelson, before he retired (to Heaven), and he was among the inductee-performers on the schedule for Friday night. Also being inducted was Bernie Taupin, who enlisted help from his ol’ pal Sir Reginald Dwight to bring their co-written songs to life.
Tickets were $90, which, for this lineup, felt like a steal. We saw Jimmy Page’s first public performance in almost 10 years. We saw Elton John, Chris Stapleton, Brittany Howard and Sheryl Crow play The Weight in a Robbie Robertson tribute that was one of several times I cried all night. I looked at Dave Matthews for the first time in my life. He looks like Adam Sandler in an alternate universe where we are all safe from standup comedy2. And I saw Willie Nelson, who kicked alarming quantities of ass, and made me cry some more, doing one of my most Gram Cracker-associated songs just two days before what would’ve been her 97th birthday.
As it happened, November 3rd, the night of the Rock Hall induction, was a mere 12 days after my brother and I went to When We Were Young fest in Vegas. So, in the course of 12 days, I saw 41 different musical artists: 20 at the induction, 20 at WWWY, and the one, the only, Wayne Newton in between. I’ve composed a little playlist for you, featuring everyone I’ve been lucky enough to see/hear recently. It REALLY bounces all over the place, but then again, so do I.
Their term, not mine
I kid. I love the Sandman.